Nothing like a little drama to start off the day!
So, anyone who knows me, knows that I never do anything unless I know I can do it well and do it right. Like, say, I can't just "break a toe".... I have to take a half inch toe, break it twice lengthwise and dislocate it so it sticks out at a 90 degree angle from the rest of my foot. Or, I can't just "get a rash"... I have to get open bleeding lesions from head to toe that itch like crazy until I turn into a huge walking talking scab that cannot be diagnosed for like 4 months, and then when they finally figure it out I have to use all these layers of medicated lotions and creams re-applied several times a day until I feel like a walking grease-ball, and meds that not only make me gain weight, but top off the bliss by shutting down my liver.
Now, folks, I am proud to announce I have done it yet again! I have mastered the art of complicating the simple!
I have been (since February, but chose to deal with the rash first, then this issue) having a problem "down there". Everything feels like it is falling out through my hoo-hoo. I cannot move my bowels, and altho I can urinate it takes a long time of little trickles and lots of force. I have intense abdominal cramps and pains that have caused me on more than one occasion to pass out. Yes folks - you got it, you can finally say with all and complete honesty that I am full of sh**!!! LOL!!!!
PCP, Dr. Hurley, sends me to GYN, Dr. Osborn, at Prescott Womens Clinic. For the $40 copay that MUST be paid up front or you will not be seen (the reason the first appt got rescheduled from Oct to Nov - after payday), Dr. Osborn examined me, a mortifying and humiliating procedure that I have not been forced to endure since my mid-twenties when I had my last pap and exam after my hysterectomy, and then he proceeded to give me the good news. I am not dying, I just feel like I am and sometimes wish I was.
Then he gave me the bad news.
My "vaginal vault" has collapsed. My bladder has fallen into it. My "renal tract" has fallen into it and formed a V over the remaining urinary tract. The V prevents the feces from moving thru. The V over the urinary tract prevents the urine from moving through. And I still have no clue what a "vaginal vault" is but if it is holding any money or valuables now would be a nice time to withdraw. And all three of them are apparently falling out thru my vagina, and have caused damage to my "vaginal ring". Oh, and as I mentioned before - I really am full of sh**.
The end result of all this, other than my own mass confusion, is that I need a more extensive surgery than originally anticipated (tying my bladder up). I need a "bladder re-position and re-sect", a "renal re-position and re-sect", a "vaginal vault re-position and reinforcement" and a "vaginal ring repair", and one or all of the above require skin grafting - by that point I was totally confused and lost and no longer processing mentally. Now I know how an old house is when they gut it and rebuild the inside. If they put another pair of ovaries in there I am gonna REALLY be pissed!!!
Oh - and here's the kicker - they are not equipped to do this, mainly due to the grafting, anywhere in Yavapai County and therefore I am being referred to a GYN surgeon in Phoenix. Rapidly doing the figures in my head I come up with at the very least a pre-surgical appt (with a specialist of course so the co-pay is $40 rather than the $10 for my PCP), involving a 300 mile round trip gas expense in a vehicle that is a '95 with over 150k on it and if it makes it down the mountains it is doubtful will make it back up. That would be followed by another 300 mile round trip in said vehicle to drop me off at the hospital for the surgery (Walt would have to return home to care for the fur, feathered and finned kiddos as we don't know anyone here to do that for us and he has no place to stay in Phx if we did). Followed by another 300 mile round trip in said vehicle to pick me up after surgery. Followed by yet another 300 mile round trip and another $40 copay for a post-surgical follow-up, and then one more time to be release to regular activities.
So please - for those of you out there in cyberland who care - pray. We have no idea how we are going to afford this. Unfortunately the food bank does not supply gas, vehicles or copays!! LOL!!!
There is a shuttle that will take me from here to the Phx airport but even if I do that it is $50+ round trip.
My darling daughter has offered to help financially with one of the trips down, take time off work to get me to the appts and take care of me for a couple days after the surgery until I am released to travel. So I will finally get to spend some time with my beautiful granddaughter - the silver lining!!! I know that in the end God will find a way to provide, unfortunately in the interim I am stressed to the max, not sleeping, seizing many times per day and night, snapping at poor Walt over stupid stuff, and basically losing my mind!!!
Not that anyone would notice if I did... LOL..
Love to all.... and thank you in advance for prayers.
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